Every Age is Hard
For those of you in the baby stage, I remember those days well. I miss them, in so many ways. As hard as I thought life was with no sleep, covered in spit up or other bodily fluids, and hoping I got a shower once a week (wait, does that ever change?) – I can honestly say that every single age and stage of parenting is hard. Every age is hard!
Our kids challenge us, push boundaries, and try to test us, every step of the way.
Whether it’s trying to climb everything before they even walk, to putting things in their mouths, or ignoring the “NO” from mom and dad, our kids figure out ways to challenge our authority, constantly.
As they get bigger? Bigger challenges – both from them, and for us!
As always, how we respond sets the tone for how our kids live their lives and treat their friends. Remember, the goal is to teach them how to grow up to be good humans. I have to remind myself (and we have to remind each other) – we are not their friends.
Every age is hard. As parents, we sometimes need to be tough. But, we can always show them love and give hugs!
I hope that my kids always know they can come to me with their problems. I hope they always want to come lay in bed with me and tell me all about their day – or maybe in the future they will call me just to talk. My oldest, at 16, still does this.
I know that she doesn’t tell me everything. But, when I am traveling – or she is – she does still call and fill me in on funny stories or things that happened that day. I hope she always does!
Hoping these things, and knowing that they are true now, I still know that my kids push the limits, every chance they get. I have good kids. They are mostly well behaved and they know how they are supposed to act. That doesn’t mean they are always good – they are kids!
When they were babies, they were a lot of work. It’s an endless round of feeding, napping, trying to nap with them, changing diapers, cleaning up, doing laundry, hoping for more sleep, and just surviving. Plus, baby snuggles, that amazing smell after a bath and lotion, and just watching them sleep! Mamas, take advantage of that Baby Time while you can!
When they were toddlers, it was keeping up with toys, crawling, walking, climbing, toys, messes, laundry, and starting to teach yes and no, boundaries, and basic manners as they learned to walk and talk.
After all of that, they start to turn into little people, they talk back, they are sassy – and they are so sweet. We continue to teach boundaries. They continue to push up against them. My little – our youngest – has been doing this constantly of late. She wants to run the house, and when we say “no” she tries to ignore us, but once we put our feet down and enforce the no, she then gets really mad, growls at us, and stomps her way around while she does whatever we have asked her to do.
Our middle – at 8 – has discovered the new freedom of riding bikes around the neighborhood with his friends. And he thinks that now that he has this freedom, it’s anything goes. He has also discovered that the bike can be taken away if he ignores me or doesn’t follow the rules, and we’re having a serious issue with him being mean to his little sister. I feel like I’m constantly saying “actions have consequences” and “you are responsible for your own attitude and actions” to him.
I want my kids to grow up to be good humans. And it is hard to be the “Strong Mom” instead of the “fun mom.”
It is also hard to have a 5- and 8-year old with a teenager in the house. They follow her example, and she is a normal, sassy teenager. She is very focused on her world, and while she’s nice to her siblings most of the time, she also has newly discovered freedom – having gotten her driver’s license at the beginning of the year – and thinks that means she is an adult.
Friends, teenagers are especially hard. I will not lie to you. We have gone through waves of attitude, moodiness, and rebellion, followed by months of perfectly normal.
I will probably write a whole book full of advice about parenting teenagers at some point, but for now, I’ll just say that I try to have patience and stay calm. I do not always succeed, and my oldest absolutely knows how to push me to my limits. But, I keep circling back to her and try to give her some nuggets of ideas to think about, then give her space for a bit while she thinks about those things. My biggest advice? Keep talking. Keep communicating. Repeat how much you love them, and share that love, all the time.
Give them all boundaries. Stick to them. Don’t give in on the big stuff. Remember what’s really important – raising good humans. And love them all!
Parenting at every age is hard. It is also so rewarding. I love watching my kids learn new things. Taking in the Teachable Moments of life. And getting the hugs after a Time Out.
Kids are the greatest gift in the world! They also present the biggest challenges to all of us. Know that we are all here, trying and doing our best.