7 Habits of Happy Moms
Here are my 7 things to get into the habit of doing – to make yourself a happy mom, and to have happy kids!
Kristi writes for Juggling Normal and at her site, KristiAndrus.com. This article first appeared on her Medium site, here, and is reproduced in full with permission.
1. Leverage Awareness
You’re a mom. You know yourself from the inside out — You can grow a human! You know your cycles and emotions, your heart and ambitions, what makes you shine, what derails you, what you want most, and when you are faking it. You know your kids equally well. Use that insider knowledge to your advantage.
Plan accordingly. Lean into what you love and what you are passionate about and outsource when you feel meh or know you won’t be able to give anymore. Simply, let sh*t go and own what lights you up and build a life that’s perfect for your family.
Key Takeaway: Be a connoisseur of you!! Study yourself inside and out and make decisions from an informed, personalized place. Show your children how to be self-aware too.
2. Start Strong
Every successful person says that mornings are everything. Even though less than 50% of us are born morning people, the tough-love truth is this: No matter what time zone you are in, there is already somebody awake doing something that you want to do, creating something that you want to make, living a life that you crave, so let that inspire you and fire you up to get up and get after it.
And, know that as moms, we must carve out uninterrupted flow time to crush our goals. We think we will find time in our day. We think we will do it after they go to bed or while they are at school, or piece together productivity. Still, when something comes up (as it inevitably does), if push comes to shove and we have to cut something somewhere, it’s going to be our things, the things we want to do for ourselves or our businesses.
Net-Net: Get up early, and let your first line item of the day be accomplishing a win (for you or your business). If you get to anything else, great; if not, you’re still winning.
That victory will infuse your day with positivity, satisfaction, and motivation, and your family will have a great day, too, because you set the tone.
3. Cut Something Out (for Good)
As a coach and fellow happy mom, I will never stop preaching this because we all hang on to things for our own reasons, but they usually aren’t very good reasons. So what if you are good at something or it’s easy? So what if it will only get done the way you want if you do it yourself? You can’t do everything all the time, and, crucially, if you aren’t putting the high-return things at the top of your list, you are missing opportunities that matter.
Let’s be honest, maybe you can do everything or have to date, but that was pre-kids, or before 2 or 3 or twins or whatever combo happened that tilted the odds out of your favor. You know how they say, one to two kids is man-to-man defense, but three or more, and you have to change to zone defense? It’s like that. We can only be in so many places at once.
Families are constantly changing, and even if you are a super-achiever, doing everything, big and little, insignificant and significant, it’s not sustainable. You will eventually crash and burn. Delegate, automate, eliminate, or live with a less-than-perfect version. Remove the things that are a constant burden to you, your kids, your marriage, your life. It’s not worth it.
Consider: Does this even matter? Do I want to be known for this or is my life so much bigger and more meaningful than _______________________?
4. Choose Yourself
Exhale. It’s not selfish or greedy to put yourself first. It’s soul-satisfying acceptance with a side of tolerance for others and a bottomless well of patience and presence for your family and friends. Choosing yourself means filling your cup, spilling over so much goodness into the world that you create a ripple that spreads happiness and joy everywhere you go. Live and let live. Be a beacon of light and prioritize and savor your One Life.
But, how? Ok, Mama here’s the how: Do the work to address whatever is getting in your way, whatever stands between you and radical self-love. You will never be anyone other than who you are, but who you are is freaking awesome. I promise.
PS: What a gift to give your kids. If they intuitively understand this lesson from watching you model it, think how far they’ll go with that foundational headstart.
5. Enjoy Your Kids
Speaking of kids, I held this to #5 for a reason. Being an incredible mom isn’t about your kids. Gasp. Shock. Awe. Of course, you want to raise incredible kids. Of course, you want the best for them. Of course, you’re willing to do what it takes. Don’t forget to enjoy them.
Don’t be so busy teaching them, anticipating their needs, fixing the world’s problems that you miss it. I know how seductive go-mode is, doing all the things, taking care of everyone’s needs, making it all happen, but there is a downside. What are we missing?
Be still with them. Snuggle them. Read to them. Take in their littleness and specialness or their bigness and weirdness. Whatever stage, love them as they are. Notice their details. Listen to their perspective and the things they say. Treasure them and hold the space for them to blossom, become, and reveal.
God, it’s almost too much, isn’t it?
It’s hard not just because we are super moms juggling everything but because it’s overwhelming and means being on the verge of breaking open.
The world is a tough place and when we are holding it together, guarding our heart, to stop and face the fullness of motherhood sometimes feels impossibly vulnerable and way too risky. If you can, do it anyway.
6. Go Deep as Often as Possible
Being a modern mom means shifting gears on the fly all the time. Yes, there are time-management strategies like time-blocking, prioritization, and cost/benefit analysis, but I’m not talking about productivity; I’m talking about immersion. Resist the urge to do everything, to spread yourself thin, and be everywhere at once.
Stop chasing big numbers (followers, dollars, reads, claps) and focus on small moments, true understanding, appreciation, mastery — you can go deep on anything that calls to you and see where it leads.
Once upon a time, I read this: Maturity means learning not to be so flippant with your aspirations. I told you it would change the game.
7. Recalibrate as Needed
Give yourself grace. You are changing, your children’s stages are fleeting, life is an unpredictable ride. There are so many variables that influence happiness, so recalibrate as needed. Don’t drift or settle or unconsciously go where you’ve been going; choose intentionally.
Breathe, pay attention to the nudges, go after what you want (even if it seems impossible), capitalize on opportunities, take strategic risks, and reevaluate what’s working, what isn’t, what’s worth it, what isn’t, and so on. Stay on the course toward happiness.
There are times in life when we’re called to become who we really are, and it might mean a gentle shift or a more significant pivot, but we don’t have to start from scratch. We bring to the table our wisdom and expertise and all the life lessons of motherhood. Motherhood is a catalyst.
Recalibrating can also mean remembering (who we are, what we want, what our why is), getting reacquainted with our true intentions or best self.
Life is short, and happiness is yours. You are the only one who can give your kids a happy mom who loves life.
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