What 3 Questions Should All Women, (Especially Moms) Ask Themselves Regularly?

Kristi writes on her site, www.kristiandrus.com and on Juggling Normal. This post first appeared here, and is reproduced in full with permission.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

1. Am I Happy?

We could go down an endless road debating and defining happiness, what it looks like for a modern mom, or if it’s even achievable. Or we could ask others: To our children, do you think Mama is happy? To our husband, do you think of me as happy? To our mothers, do you see me as a happy mother?

Either way, I’m not talking about the fleeting joyfulness that comes from a perfect moment, seeing our kids laugh when they play or feeling relieved when you have money in the bank and a clean house; no, I mean the intrinsic feeling that lifts you higher.

Beyond satisfaction and circumstances, do you have an inner treasure of contentment and anticipation and well-being and bliss that you can put to good use? Do you trust yourself, live life on your terms, and have confidence that you and your family are right where you’re meant to be or on your way?

2. What Can I Do Better?

I’m as exhausted as any working mother when it comes to productivity, multitasking, cultivating the perfect image, and taking it all on, but I’m also obsessed with leveling up. I know that what got me here is not going to get me to where I’m going.

So while my happiness doesn’t depend on achievement or aspiration, I love discovering new things and contributing in meaningful ways. Therefore I seek resources and ideas that move me forward, not out of a sense of obligation or expectation, but because I love life and want to experience as much as possible while I can.

Interestingly, there is so much buzz about the 1%, the elite, the haves, and have nots, but did you know that to be among the top 1% of US earners, you only need a family income of more than $400,000? We often think that to reach the top is practically impossible, but it’s rarely as far as we imagined. We aren’t talking about being a billionaire here; there are just over 2,000 of those — but $400,000-aires? Over 1.6 million people are on that list. $400k doesn’t seem like such a stretch, does it?

And to be clear, maybe you don’t care about being in the 1% financially, but the principle holds true for anything you want to pursue, for any goal. Not as much as you think separates you from the best of the best, and, even if you don’t strive to be the best, those little incremental advantages add up. 

They are the difference makers between our lives right now and our dream lives. Staying in a growth mindset and going the extra mile is all it takes to open the door to possibilities that will blow your mind. What can you do better and who doesn’t want to be mind-blowingly captivated by life?

3. What am I missing?

There are a lot of ways to approach this question, too — What do I really want? If I’m not utterly happy, what would it take? Am I holding back in some way? How can I show up more fully, more authentically, personally and professionally? 

I’m not a fan of focusing on what you don’t have — the better approach is always to appreciate and show gratitude for what you do have, so don’t think of this as permission to compare yourself to others or wallow in lack.

Instead, think of it as an opportunity to wonder and show curiosity about what would change if you filled in the gaps. How might your trajectory change, or how might you pivot in your life if you had new information, a new skill, or a new asset that you currently don’t have?

If you had a website, a coach, or 1,000 followers, if you learned another language or hired a nanny to start a side hustle, or finally found the confidence to speak up in important meetings, what would it mean to your future? What’s one thing getting in your way, preventing you from stepping up or keeping you from dreaming bigger, and what would it look like if you finally addressed it, fixed it, or reframed it, so you had no excuses?

If asking these questions made you wonder about how to be happier or more fulfilled, sign up for my free masterclass on 2/15.

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